*spotlight suddenly illumates a lone individual standing in the middle of a boxing ring wearing a robe and boxing gloves*

Ok readers, here this is the big one you've been waiting for. I had to get really mentally prepared for this one *has flashbacks of repeatedly pounding on a punching bag with Paris Hilton's face duct taped on it, while the theme from Rocky plays in the background*

So, lets get ready to Rumble!

 

Ok, lets begin by talking about how she got famous... her daddy's rich. That's it. She hasn't done anything, she doesn't do anything, she will never do anything (well except for her porno tapes). In the future, people will come to her funeral and say "Well... um... she was pretty when she was young, and boy she was rich. Fat lot of good that's doing her now." She has never done anything that did any benefit for anybody other than herself. She is a selfish, egotistical, no-talent, waste-of-space. That, and I think she's ugly and so skinny it hurts to look at her. Back when her precious little Tinkerbell went missing she was like a grieving parent until the dog was found. Later, she dumped the dog like bag of garbage when the chihuahua gained a few ounces of weight. Hmmm... maybe it was because the dog didn't get any excercise being carried around in your purse all the time? So your little tiny dog gained a little weight? Wah poor baby. It is NO reason to disown the dog. It is your fault. It just goes to show that she doesn't give two shits about anybody except herself. The dog is all of 2 pounds to begin with, it's not like it's a great dane or something, it's a fucking Chihuahua. Who cares if it gains an ounce or two? It doesn't make that much difference. If she was so concerned about weight she should get a hamster. It must be hard, not being able to carry 2 pounds. Must be the complete lack of muscle tone. We all know that muscle weighs more than fat and she weighs all of 50 pounds herself. To quote Elvira Kurt "I guess Paris likes her dogs small. On a related note: Nicole Ritchie is now skinnier than ever."

 

She was in a few movies and they stunk. She tried to start a singing career and she was constantly booed off the stage. She tries to invent her own fashion line, including her own t-shirt, and it's ugly trash that only 11 year old girls buy thinking it's cool. I rant about the stupid t-shirt later. I hate how she rips off her deluded young fans. She makes this crap for her little tiny fan clubs and just adds their money to her giant pile so she can roll around naked on it. She thinks of herself as a role model and tries to put on a good face for her young viewers, even going so far as to steal her sex tape from a magazine store so little girls won't see them. So this begs the question: "WHY MAKE THEM IN THE FIRST PLACE?!?!?!?!?" Moron. You are so NOT a role model. Little girls should not want to be like her. It's sad, those poor misguided kids. They should try to be themselves, whoever they are is way better than a scrawny, megalomaniacal, turboslut. Hey little girls, if you wanna be like someone else, pick ANYBODY but Paris. Natalie Portman is a much better choice: intelligent, well read, does not have an ego larger than life, independant, confident, speaks 6 different lanuages, stylish, and has curves. Paris has a figure like the highways in Saskatchewan - no curves.   Update: Also consider Kate Winslet, Scarlett Johannson, and Jodie Foster as better role models.

 

Then there's the subject matter of her brainlessness. In all honesty she's about as smart as a bag of hammers. The quote "What's Wal Mart? Is that where they sell wall stuff?" comes to mind often. Did she go to the same school as Jessica Simpson? If so that school should be shut down. She is so sheltered from the real world, living in her pretty little bubble of worshippers and credit cards. If you've seen any of the episodes of the Simple Life, she's the one who is simple. She couldn't hold down a real job if her life depended on it. Oh and her sidekick Nicole is just as bad. Just two little bubbleheads wreaking havoc on people trying to live their lives. They are a menace and should be stopped. Paris trys to copywright the saying "That's hot." As if she were the first person to say that phrase. What's next trying to copywright the saying "That's cool" or maybe the word "like"? That's as stupid as that time Marvel tried to copywright the letter "X". Oh, and her t-shirt was the kicker. On the front it said "That's Hot" and on the back it said "Your not!" It had to be one of the dumbest shirts I ever saw. First of all it was a testament of her lack of proper schooling. Hey Paris, 'I'm educated... You're not'!  Girls all over the world can show off their lack of education by buying this piece of crap. Second, it looked as though it was one of those cheap homemade iron ons, it looked as though it cost $2 to make, it probably sold for over $50. Oh you say you care about your young little worshippers, you care enough to rip them off.

 

And finally for the cherry on top of the steaming pile of cow dung... She's marrying a guy named PARIS!!!

*ROFLMAO* At least she'll have an easier time remembering his name. I give their marriage 2 weeks, 3 maximum. Wait, she's gotta beat her sister's record... so maybe 4 weeks.

 

Ladies and Gentlemen, the winner and reigning champion: Apathygrrl!

*kicks the still unconscious bag of bones named Paris lying on the mat* 

*grins evilly*